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Feature
 How to Raise Your
Self-Esteem
by
Van K. Tharp, Ph.D.
Many schools of psychological theory involve the notion that individual personalities are made up of many different parts. It doesn’t matter if this is true or not. What is important is that using the idea that we are made up of many different parts is USEFUL.
Click
here to see Part One of this series for more information on this
concept.
In Part Two
of this series we discussed how to deal with conflicting parts.
I want to re-emphasize that you created all of your parts. You would not have created any parts had you not had a positive intention for doing so at the time.
If you understand the parts paradigm, you can probably see how your parts can have a profound effect on your trading. A powerful part can literally bankrupt you or alternatively help you make really big money. Sometimes parts work together to hold you back or push you along. Understanding your parts can be incredibly helpful to improving your trading performance.
Now I would like to continue on with this topic and cover the next level.
You could have a multitude of internal parts operating on a subconscious level. If you have parts inside you that tend to lower your self-esteem, then you probably cannot easily overcome those problems on your own. However, there are certain steps you can start working with right away.
1. Get in the habit of loving and acknowledging yourself. For example, acknowledge your accomplishments and your blessings. What do you have to be grateful for? Take an hour to write down all of the accomplishments in your life. What have you accomplished in terms of education, skills, job, etc.? What goals have you achieved? What special abilities are you grateful for having? What special people do you have in your life? Perhaps the best way of doing that is to imagine yourself in the scenario of James Stewart in the movie
It’s a Wonderful Life. If it’s more appropriate, what if you were Scrooge in Dickens’s
A Christmas Carol? You might also look at Barbara Kipfer’s book
14,000 Things to be Happy About.
Once you have compiled your list, start reviewing it on a regular basis. When you do so, say, “I, [insert your name here], am a wonderful person with many blessings. Here are a few of the things I have to be grateful for…” Recall at least five things from memory.
2. Think about how you would act toward a good friend. What would your behavior be like? Would you criticize that friend or give that person your support? Would you do something special for that person? Would you try to meet that person’s needs as best you could? How much have you done for yourself in the last two weeks?
Make a list of what you will do for yourself in the future. Schedule it. What will you do tomorrow? What will you do over the next week? The next month?
3. Give your body what it needs. These behaviors include such activities as regular exercise, regular meditation, eating properly, giving yourself a vacation, mental rehearsal, and planning. These behaviors are not only stress protectors, but
are also a way of showing yourself appreciation. Start scheduling these behaviors into your week. (For those of you who have the Peak Home Study Course, Volume 2 has a more extensive list of behaviors that serve as stress protectors.)
4. Negotiate with parts that you determine might be affecting your self-esteem. For example, remember that each part is really doing you a favor. Get to know each part affecting your self-esteem. Become a friend to each part. Find out what each part’s positive intention is—what is it trying to do for you?
Once you become friends with a part, it then becomes easy to get that part to find more suitable behaviors to carry out its intentions. For example, if you have a part that causes some emotion by trying to avoid it, then get that part to be responsible for getting rid of the stored emotion inside of you rather than finding external situations that will indirectly allow you to release the emotion. Get that part or parts to search for your real potential that exists beneath all the emotion.
5. Keep your agreements so that your parts trust you. A key element to friendship is trust. If you plan to be a friend to your parts, then they must trust you. You must communicate with them regularly. You must keep any agreements you make and only make agreements you plan to keep. At least keep an agreement to re-negotiate if an initial agreement does not work.
6. If you are looking for the hidden jewel that lies beneath all of that fear, anger, guilt, or resentment, then learn to give it away. You have had a tendency all of your life to find what you judge to be negative outside of you. As we have indicated indirectly in this series, you can find out what is inside of you just by looking at what you see outside of you. This is a great gift once you realize it is true. We have long described the process of transformation as being a process in which you make an internal change and suddenly everything about you seems different. What you see around you reflects what is going on inside you.
Just as you can discover what you are like inside by looking around you, you can discover the hidden treasures you are looking for by giving them away. If you are looking to make your life more worthwhile, then look around you for worthwhile things. If you are looking to feel better about yourself, then notice how much better the world can look. If you want more love in your life, then give it away. If you are looking for a sense of prosperity, then be willing to spend some money on yourself or, more importantly, willing to give money away.
Try doing one of the following:
- Pay for someone’s dinner at a restaurant anonymously.
- Fill up a parking meter for a stranger or pay the toll for the person in the car behind you at a toll booth.
- Think of people you dislike and say nice things about them. See that person in your mind bathed in a pink light.
- Become a big brother/sister to a disadvantaged child.
Try something small to begin with.
One of the most difficult areas to work on by yourself is your own self-esteem. Get yourself a coach. Find a friend you really trust and practice doing these exercises with that person.. This topic is covered extensively in my Peak Performance Home Study Course and my Peak Performance 101 workshop. Whatever you do, commit to it and do it now.
About
Van Tharp: Trading coach, and author, Dr. Van K. Tharp is
widely recognized for his best-selling books and his outstanding
Peak Performance Home Study program - a highly regarded classic
that is suitable for all levels of traders and investors. You can
learn more about Van Tharp at www.iitm.com.
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